


Not enough

by fairynjm



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 23:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21216884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairynjm/pseuds/fairynjm
Summary: after the death of his beloved one, Na Jaemin, Jeno found comfort in Donghyuck, who's deeply in love with him. Butnothing will unfortunately ever be the same.





	Not enough

It was around 11PM, a Friday night. The moon was full, rising as well as it should.

Jeno was wild awake. Next to him was lying Lee Donghyuck, his boyfriend for almost 5 months already. The boy was sleeping for 2 hours straight, while his boyfriend couldn't close even one eye. 

The blond boy was looking at the night sky, deep in thought. No words could describe how much he hated the night : staying up 'til at least 2AM, crying, cuddling with Donghyuck, crying again.

To be honest, it was so so hard for Donghyuck to see his boyfriend, the person he loved the most, that broken. But what was the most difficult for him was to know that he will never be able to help.

Deep down inside of him, Jeno hated himself for making Donghyuck's life a living nightmare. He loved his boyfriend so much; he really does. Donghyuck was his little light, the only person who stayed by his side the last two years, since this night. The only person who truly loved him. At the thought of making his Hyuckie unhappy, Jeno teared up again. He felt so bad, so wrong. A loud sob escaped his mouth, and the sleeping boy woke up at the sound.

«-Jen, baby, hey. Stop crying, I'm here, okay?»

The brown haired boy intertwined their fingers, using his other hand for erasing the tears in Jeno's cheeks. The way Donghyuck could comfort his boyfriend just by his voice was crazy, but Jeno felt already way better.

«-Wanna talk?  
-I don't know. I don't wanna bother you anymore..», answered Jeno in a small voice.

Donghyuck could felt his heart break. 

«-Baby, you are not a burden, okay? You should know that. I'm here for you; I will always be. I don't want you to hide your feelings. I really want to know how you feel, I want to help you as much as I can. If you don't want to talk, I'm not gonna force you to, but I'll be right there if you change your mind.»

Jeno smiled and nodded. He leaned for a kiss, and then he started to talk. He needed to open his heart.

«-I'm– It's just– I don't know.» he sighed. «I mean, it's the usual, I miss him. I wish he would be there. I wish he would be alive. But I'm also very happy with you.. it's so complicated and I'm so conflicted inside. Because I do want you and I do love you, so much. But I can't unlove him, you know? Not with the way he left. Not with the way he died. And I feel so bad, because you don't deserve all of this. You deserve someone who could make you the happiest man in earth, someone who would love you and only you, someone you will feel safe with. I'm just not the one who could offer you all of that, because I'm deadass broken. Because my boyfriend, your best friend, our ray of sun is gone forever. I– I can't handle that myself. How can you handle his departure and me being such a failure and a bad boyfriend?»

This time to cry was Donghyuck's. God, he was so so in love. And god, he missed Jaemin so much. It was so hard.

«-Baby, you are not a failure, and how on earth can you be a bad boyfriend? You are the best thing that ever happened in my whole life. You just cover me with love and affection. You try your best every day and you're doing well baby, so so well. I'm very proud of you, and I'm sure Nana is as well. You know, I miss him too. So much. Maybe not as much as you, but it's pretty hard without him here. But I have you. It's not the same, perhaps it's not enough to complete me, but it will be enough for recovering. I will miss him forever, and I will never ever forget him. But he's gone, baby. He's gone for good. We have to recover. And I'm here to help you, okay? You're not alone. I love you.»

It was 12AM, a Sunday morning. There was two crying mess in a bed, slowly falling asleep, trying to get back together the pieces of their broken hearts.


End file.
